Suzy Spitfire Kills Everybody
Suzy Spitfire Kills Everybody
By Joe Canzano
Suzy Spitfire Kills Everybody
By Joe Canzano
Genre: Science Fiction
When outlaw Suzy
Spitfire discovers her father was murdered after creating a super-duper
artificial intelligence, she races across the solar system in search of the
brain he built—but it’s a rough ride, and she’s soon forced to tangle with
pirates, predators, and her father’s killer—as well as a man she thinks she can
love.
Suzy Spitfire Kills Everybody is a smash-bang
sci-fi adventure filled with action, intrigue, and a dose of dark humor.
Is the Science in Sci-fi really that Important?
I notice a definite divide between people who read and write
“hard sci-fi” and those who don’t. The hard sci-fi crowd likes a certain amount
of scientific accuracy—and yeah, I agree a certain line should be drawn. But I also
think it’s stupid to be a snob about it, and here are two reasons why:
1.
The science in hard sci-fi is often sheer
speculation (which is a nice way of saying complete bullshit).
2.
Stories are about characters, not the number of protons
in a hyperspace waffle maker.
All fiction is about people, as in why they do the things
they do (and often how they live with themselves later). The science fiction setting provides a
certain feel and flavor, but in the end, when the hero kills the villain, it
makes no difference whether she vaporizes him with a phaser or hits him over
the head with a brick. I suppose the brick will make a bigger mess.
Captain Kirk encountered a variety of aliens, and they
almost always spoke English. They didn’t even have accents. But so what? The
stories were about how the crew of the Enterprise dealt with problems—like tribbles
and treaties and female uniforms that were cut just below the crotch. The
technology was a minor issue, unless it was the focal point of some commentary
about its place in the universe.
The situations where I have a problem with ludicrous
technology is when it’s central to the plot. In the movie Independence Day,
Will Smith’s character hacks into an alien computer with his MacBook laptop and
saves the world. Really? Anyone who has ever tried to hook two computers
together right here on earth—even two computers using the exact same software--can
tell you there will usually be a problem, and then a bunch of people cursing
and saying, “Why the hell isn’t this
working?” In the movie, Smith not only hacks into the computer system of an
alien race—but he’s able to specifically disable the enemy ship’s deflector
shields.
I don’t think so. They could have used more science in that story,
or maybe just some common sense.
It was a peaceful evening in a peaceful part of town. Not really Suzy
Spitfire’s style, but what the hell. She wasn’t going to let a beautiful sense
of calm ruin her night.
She walked with cat-like steps across
the beach as a salty breeze rifled through her coppery-crimson hair. With a
sharp glance, she eyed the flashing lights of a hover-ship out at sea. Finally,
she slipped through a plastic door and entered the shadowy interior of a local
pub called El Pájaro Feliz.
Suzy narrowed her eyes and studied
the glowing mix of wood and glass and hanging paper lanterns. Bouncy music and
bubbly conversations flooded her ears as she did a quick scan of the room—okay,
not bad. No need to be concerned right now, not in this seaside party shack
with a moonlit view of the surf and the sea. But she kept her Series 7 pulse
pistol close, strapped to her thigh under her black leather skirt, because people and places can go bad at
any time. It was something she’d learned the hard way. It was something that
still kept her up at night.
Too many people in here, she thought.
Why couldn’t this meeting happen in a place with fewer tourists? Aiko had
wanted it to be somewhere public. Well, he’d always liked the public more than
she had. But he was also a stand-up guy who she hadn’t seen for over two
years—not since he’d gone to Tokyo and she’d become a murderer.
As her boots glided across the floor,
she vaguely wondered if this was a setup. She recalled her father’s words:
“It’s all about the math, Suzy.” But Dad had said a lot of stuff. Empty talk.
It didn’t feel like a
setup. Hey, maybe after a few drinks Aiko could help her come up with that pile
of cash she needed.
She rolled her eyes as a
holographically-enhanced robot bartender appeared in front of her. The thing
was “graphed up” to be a tall guy with red hair, dressed in black. She knew a
hidden scanner had analyzed her appearance and then displayed the face of
someone calculated to be appealing to her—but just because she’d inherited her
mom’s light skin and reddish hair didn’t mean her bartender had to resemble a
giant leprechaun. She really preferred
someone like the guy sitting eight or nine seats down.
He was fairly well built, with curly
dark hair and eyes like gooey black puddles. Probably from the United Mexican
Union, or the southern country of Rio da Vida. Forget about it, she thought.
There were bigger things to worry about.
At the very least, her fantasy had to be quick.
She noticed the sexy guy had his own phony bartender—a tall blonde squeezed into
a short red skirt with breasts like a couple of fresh torpedoes. So that was
his type, huh? Bold and trashy. What a coincidence. There’s a woman who looks
like that right over here—except she’s shorter, with no torpedoes, and a body
that’s completely organic. Suzy watched without watching too much as the sexy
guy smiled and said a few words to his slutty drink-serving projection. Then
she realized someone was talking to her. It was the phony bartender in front of
her.
“Can I do something for you?” he
said.
“Sure. You can steal me a new
spaceship. But if that’s not part of the plan, how about a Jack and Coke?”
The bartender smiled. Suzy knew they
were programmed to do it constantly, and that was the problem with these modern
bars in a trendy metropolis like Diego Tijuana.
They were filled with holograms and empty
smiles.
He put a drink in front of her. “From
the man over there,” he said, motioning with his hand.
So the sexy guy had bought her a
drink. That was good, maybe. And now he was smiling at her in a way no piece of
programming ever could. Fine, there was no harm in smiling back. Lots of great
times start on the heels of one stupid second.
He strutted over to her and grinned. “Hi there. My
name’s Ricardo. It’s good to meet you.”
Joe Canzano is a writer and
musician who lives in New Jersey, U.S.A. He is the author of two absurd
comic fantasy novels, “Magno Girl,” and “Sex Hell.” His third novel, Suzy
Spitfire Kills Everybody, is a departure from the world of wacky satire. Suzy
Spitfire Kills Everybody is a sci-fi adventure filled with action and a dose of
dark humor. For more information about Joe, please visit www.happyjoe.net.
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/happyjoecanzano/
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Great blog! Thanks for the interview, Laura! I appreciate it. - Joe
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