Sunday, August 20, 2017

Elephant and Pinky Moon Author: Lilac Mills

Twenty-eight-year-old Nina lives a quiet, unassuming life, happy (ish) with her job, maybe not quite as happy with her non-existent love-life (but who has everything) and content to trundle along with her nice, predictable daily routine.

That is, until her octogenarian grandmother talks Nina into accompanying her on holiday.

Nina envisages sedate walks along the promenade, afternoon naps by the pool, and bingo in the evening. What she actually gets is too much vodka, adult games of "pin the tail on the donkey" and dancing on a bar whilst flaunting her knickers - and that's just her gran!

‘Too dark,’ one parrot announced, after disappearing down one of the women’s very ample cleavage, and popping back up again.
‘Too light,’ it said, after investigating the chest of a lady who had much less up top.
The parrot-trainer scoured the audience for his next victim, opening his eyes a little wider when they skimmed over Flossie. His gaze came back to her in a hurry, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he saw. Flossie, aware of the attention and loving it, stuck out her bosoms and put her hands on her hips.
‘Come,’ he gestured to her, holding out a hand.
Flossie scrambled out of her chair, hauling her body onto the little stage with a bit of difficulty (the other ladies had hopped up – well they would, wouldn’t they, being fifty years younger an’ all, Nina thought meanly). A man sitting nearby was forced to place his hands on the old lady’s backside and push.
It all made for hilarious viewing, and even Nina might have found it amusing if it hadn’t been her grandmother up there, making a show of herself.
‘What’s your name, sexy?’ Parrot-Man said.
Flossie, deadpan, replied, ‘Sexy.’
She went down a storm. The man who’d manhandled her backside, shoved two fingers in his mouth and whistled, stamping his feet.
‘Your name is “sexy”?’ Parrot-Man said, and Flossie played to the crowd, waggling her hips and doing a little dance. Is this the sort of thing they got up to at the Salvation Army, Nina wondered. Was this kind of behaviour considered normal in geriatric circles?
‘Don’t you believe me? Are you saying you don’t think I’m sexy?’ Flossie cried, exaggerating a hurt look.
‘You are the most sexy woman I see in all my life,’ Parrot-Man said, knowing he was onto a good thing. Nina wondered if she could rent Flossie out to him for the duration of their stay, so Nina could find a nice, quiet corner and not have to endure many more evenings like this. She sincerely hoped the hotel hadn’t booked a fire eater…
He sent the parrot down Flossie’s cleavage.
It took a while to come back out, Gran chortling all the while, wriggling like a kid needing a wee, at the sensation of having a bird down her bra. When it eventually emerged, the poor thing looked rather ruffled.
‘Just right,’ it screeched. ‘Goldilocks tits.’
The crowd went wild.
Nina wished she was anywhere but here – in a boring meeting, at the dentist, being chased by wild animals…

Nina agrees to accompany her octogenarian grandmother on an adventure trip of a lifetime.
Satisfied with her routine life as a teacher, Nina has relegated her dreams to the back burner. Her mother and grandmother knew Nina needed a nudge out of her comfort zone. 
Flossie isn't your cookie baking sort of grandma. Nina doesn't discover how far from that stereotype her Gram until they spend one on one time together and share a hotel room.
Flossie adds life to every gathering and keeps the party hopping. Not afraid to speak her mind, with no desire to whisper, she makes sure Nina does not miss any opportunity, welcomed or not.
She is both the best pal you want on your side and the most embarrassing relative ever.
Can love, a granddaughter's love, conquer all?

A story about love, learning about those who mean the most to us, appreciating living in the moment and taking action on dreams before time passes away. All neatly wrapped in a fun, romantic book.
A perfect summer, beach or holiday read even for those not specifically chick Lit fans.

Lilac spends all her time writing, or reading, or thinking about writing or reading, often to the detriment of her day job, her family, and the housework. She apologises to her employer and her loved ones, but the house will simply have to deal with it!
She calls Worcester home, though she would prefer to call somewhere hot and sunny home, somewhere with a beach and cocktails and endless opportunities for snoozing in the sun…
When she isn’t hunched over a computer or dreaming about foreign shores, she enjoys creating strange, inedible dishes in the kitchen, accusing her daughter of stealing (she meant to say “borrowing”) her clothes, and fighting with her husband over whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher.

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